Embrace the Quirky!
Pussy Ain't No Prize! No, Really It's Not.
Disclaimer: This post if written from a heterosexual perspective and focuses on heterosexual sex. I don't mean to leave anyone out but its vital to talk about the relationship between men and womyn and the traditional way heterosexuals look at sex.
Ever try to withhold sex from your partner? Maybe he said something he shouldn't have said, like, "Why are you wearing that?" or "Comb your hair!" Or maybe he did something that he shouldn't have done, like stayed out to the wee hours of the morning, got a call from his ex-girlfriend, or didn't call you back like he said he would. Any one of these situations can make a woman so mad that she doesn't want to give you what some may see as a prize or reward. You were probably thinking something to the effect of "why reward bad behavior?". He might even walk on egg shells so that he may have his due at the end of the day. But ladies, I'm going to have to side with my men for a second. First, I said it once and I'll say it again: Ladies' sex drives are underrated; men need to understand that their lady of the night or girlfriend wants to have sex as much as he does. Who wants to be sleep because they are so-called "punishing" their man when they could be having sweet hot sex on those new sheets yall just bought from Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Girl, you ain't just withholding sex from him, you're withholding it from yourself! Get real! And if you're really mad, just try some angry sex. Or just put your anger aside and put out. You can begin the madness right after, or hell, the sex might even squash the beef. Sometimes its ok just to let shit go.
Let's take Joe Budden and his girlfriend Tahiry for example:
Now Tahiry seems like a down ass chick. She says "I came home and I wanted to sit on my man." She doesn't seem like a prude, however, she had expectations that weren't met. Therefore, her reasoning is; my expectations weren't met and yours won't be met either. I do have to point out, though, that I take DEEP offense with Joe Budden's notion that Tahiry has an obligation to fulfill his sexual needs. No woman or man has an OBLIGATION to have sex with their significant other just because he or she wants to have sex. If you say no, end of story. Yall can talk about why you said no later. Coercion or forcing your man or woman to have sex is NOT the answer. That's called rape. Did you know that it only recently became illegal for a man to rape/force his wife to have sex? The notion was that a wife is un-rapeable by her husband because she is essentially his property and has an OBLIGATION to have sex with him when he so deems necessary. Womyn are not sex machines and just as men sometimes don't feel like having sex, we are the same way. Also, just like men like to have sex a lot, so do womyn; just at the right times.
Ok, so let's look at the part of the video, where the object of pussy being a prize comes up. Now, right here, I have to side with Joe. "Pussy ain't no prize!" I concur. Come on, lesbihonesstt. We all like sex. If pussy is a prize, so is dick. If pussy ain't a prize, then neither is dick. And I for one, do believe that it is.
We have to get rid of this sexist notion that womyn "give it up" and men "take it". If I'm giving something up when I am having sex, then so are you! We are doing the same act, with each other! Men are not the hypersexual toads that society makes them out to be and should be able to deny or not want sex without being labeled gay or the like. Nobody says a woman is gay when she tells her boyfriend no. Now, if your man or woman is constantly not in the mood for sex without any apparent reason, then yall should talk about it and see what the problem is. Maybe its a medical issue.
Ok, so back to the video. I definitely have to give Tahiry her props. She doesn't let Mr. Budden get away with his bullshit. First, she tells him that contrary to his belief, she does not have an obligation to engage in sex with Joe and then she sets him straight when he tries to blame her if he decides to go out and cheat and have sex with someone else. Ladies!, it is never you fault when a man decides to do something stupid. Yes, you may not be having sex with him, but he doesn't have the right to cheat; he does however have the right to break up with you. Nor is it your fault if he lies to you. He might say you don't make it easy for him, or that you can't handle the truth, but the reality of the situation is that he probably has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to relationships. A man must takes responsibility for his own actions and stop saying that his girl drove him to it. Read a little bit more about the subject here (make sure you read the comments on this post.)
So, while they are signing off. Joe says something that only a misogynist rapist would say. "You know how this goes, you'll be sleep, and you'll wake up with something inside you." Yea, I can't even explain what's wrong with that statement or if he actually does it, that situation. I am convinced homeboy is capable of abuse; seeing as that so-called joke, wasn't even funny.
Ok, so I just want to touch on one last aspect before I sign out. This notion that men need to work and wait for sex needs to be thrown out the window, also. As a woman when you want sex from a man do you expect for him to make you wait and WORK for it? I think not. If you don't want to wait and work then why the hell should he? It needs to be equal. If to wait, is something that yall decide together because yall are trying to build to a relationship, then ok. But don't make it so he's jumping through hoops to get to you and that monkey, when you ain't done shit to get his prize. :) Just like womyn have pussy power, men have penis power too.
So how about it yall? Ever withheld sex from your man or woman? Your man ever try to blame your for his actions? Ever had sex withheld from you? Ever have a man or woman cheat on you because yall wasn't having sex? Tell me all about it, I want to hear!
Initially posted at hiphopcheerleader. Chek it out! I also posted this as a blog post on my page, but wanted to get some more response of what everyone thought. Would love to hear everyone's thoughts!!
Ever try to withhold sex from your partner? Maybe he said something he shouldn't have said, like, "Why are you wearing that?" or "Comb your hair!" Or maybe he did something that he shouldn't have done, like stayed out to the wee hours of the morning, got a call from his ex-girlfriend, or didn't call you back like he said he would. Any one of these situations can make a woman so mad that she doesn't want to give you what some may see as a prize or reward. You were probably thinking something to the effect of "why reward bad behavior?". He might even walk on egg shells so that he may have his due at the end of the day. But ladies, I'm going to have to side with my men for a second. First, I said it once and I'll say it again: Ladies' sex drives are underrated; men need to understand that their lady of the night or girlfriend wants to have sex as much as he does. Who wants to be sleep because they are so-called "punishing" their man when they could be having sweet hot sex on those new sheets yall just bought from Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Girl, you ain't just withholding sex from him, you're withholding it from yourself! Get real! And if you're really mad, just try some angry sex. Or just put your anger aside and put out. You can begin the madness right after, or hell, the sex might even squash the beef. Sometimes its ok just to let shit go.
Let's take Joe Budden and his girlfriend Tahiry for example:
Now Tahiry seems like a down ass chick. She says "I came home and I wanted to sit on my man." She doesn't seem like a prude, however, she had expectations that weren't met. Therefore, her reasoning is; my expectations weren't met and yours won't be met either. I do have to point out, though, that I take DEEP offense with Joe Budden's notion that Tahiry has an obligation to fulfill his sexual needs. No woman or man has an OBLIGATION to have sex with their significant other just because he or she wants to have sex. If you say no, end of story. Yall can talk about why you said no later. Coercion or forcing your man or woman to have sex is NOT the answer. That's called rape. Did you know that it only recently became illegal for a man to rape/force his wife to have sex? The notion was that a wife is un-rapeable by her husband because she is essentially his property and has an OBLIGATION to have sex with him when he so deems necessary. Womyn are not sex machines and just as men sometimes don't feel like having sex, we are the same way. Also, just like men like to have sex a lot, so do womyn; just at the right times.
Ok, so let's look at the part of the video, where the object of pussy being a prize comes up. Now, right here, I have to side with Joe. "Pussy ain't no prize!" I concur. Come on, lesbihonesstt. We all like sex. If pussy is a prize, so is dick. If pussy ain't a prize, then neither is dick. And I for one, do believe that it is.
We have to get rid of this sexist notion that womyn "give it up" and men "take it". If I'm giving something up when I am having sex, then so are you! We are doing the same act, with each other! Men are not the hypersexual toads that society makes them out to be and should be able to deny or not want sex without being labeled gay or the like. Nobody says a woman is gay when she tells her boyfriend no. Now, if your man or woman is constantly not in the mood for sex without any apparent reason, then yall should talk about it and see what the problem is. Maybe its a medical issue.
Ok, so back to the video. I definitely have to give Tahiry her props. She doesn't let Mr. Budden get away with his bullshit. First, she tells him that contrary to his belief, she does not have an obligation to engage in sex with Joe and then she sets him straight when he tries to blame her if he decides to go out and cheat and have sex with someone else. Ladies!, it is never you fault when a man decides to do something stupid. Yes, you may not be having sex with him, but he doesn't have the right to cheat; he does however have the right to break up with you. Nor is it your fault if he lies to you. He might say you don't make it easy for him, or that you can't handle the truth, but the reality of the situation is that he probably has a lot of growing up to do when it comes to relationships. A man must takes responsibility for his own actions and stop saying that his girl drove him to it. Read a little bit more about the subject here (make sure you read the comments on this post.)
So, while they are signing off. Joe says something that only a misogynist rapist would say. "You know how this goes, you'll be sleep, and you'll wake up with something inside you." Yea, I can't even explain what's wrong with that statement or if he actually does it, that situation. I am convinced homeboy is capable of abuse; seeing as that so-called joke, wasn't even funny.
Ok, so I just want to touch on one last aspect before I sign out. This notion that men need to work and wait for sex needs to be thrown out the window, also. As a woman when you want sex from a man do you expect for him to make you wait and WORK for it? I think not. If you don't want to wait and work then why the hell should he? It needs to be equal. If to wait, is something that yall decide together because yall are trying to build to a relationship, then ok. But don't make it so he's jumping through hoops to get to you and that monkey, when you ain't done shit to get his prize. :) Just like womyn have pussy power, men have penis power too.
So how about it yall? Ever withheld sex from your man or woman? Your man ever try to blame your for his actions? Ever had sex withheld from you? Ever have a man or woman cheat on you because yall wasn't having sex? Tell me all about it, I want to hear!
Initially posted at hiphopcheerleader. Chek it out! I also posted this as a blog post on my page, but wanted to get some more response of what everyone thought. Would love to hear everyone's thoughts!!
Tags: relationships, sex
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rocky on -
Wow....
Damn. I have to say, this video really blew me away. Old boy basically threatened to rape his partner... or cheat and lie if she withheld sex. Wow. The things that folks put up with to have a significant other blows my mind. He even alluded to past incidents of assault jokingly. Chills.
Hmmph.
As far as withholding sex (which is more than pussy in my book) from a partner, I can do whatever the hell I want at that particular moment. I don;t consider it withholding because that seems to connote a sense of someone else's ownership entitlement to it. It also doesn't mean that I can't fuck myself if I want, either! Just cause i'm not sharing pleasure with my partner, or whoever, does NOT mean I won't be having my own good time.
I wouldn't fuck joe whatever his name is though. And I hope that sister takes his words seriously. At the end of the day, he really attempted to threaten her with emotional and physical violence to coerce her to have what he considers sex. Even the act of waking up a hardworking woman at 5:40 in the morning to interview her( basically harass and insult her on video and then share the abuse with the world with pride!) is very violent.
so much going on here- i've gotta bounce but that's my some of my t on the sitch.
thanks for introducing this topic :)
<3
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Permalink Reply by Malaka Wilson-Greene on -
Thank you for your response! Yea, I was equally as disgusted by him and what he said, but I feel that he is only a product of society and also someone who chooses to define themselves by the way society is instead of trying to change it. I also like your perspective on the whole withholding sex topic, I'm going to have to look into that!
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Permalink Reply by Sumayyah Talibah on -
As far as withholding sex (which is more than pussy in my book) from a partner, I can do whatever the hell I want at that particular moment. I don;t consider it withholding because that seems to connote a sense of someone else's ownership entitlement to it. It also doesn't mean that I can't fuck myself if I want, either! Just cause i'm not sharing pleasure with my partner, or whoever, does NOT mean I won't be having my own good time.
Amen, Amin, Hallelujah, alright! :)
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Permalink Reply by omi on -
i think you all pretty well covered it...what a jackass.
my issue is, what's so pressing that you can't control yourself for a day? what makes you so special that you HAVE to have your every little urge satisfied? one night (or even two. or three) of no sex causes you to derail the trust of a relationship you've built over time?
i don't know how old either of them are, but that's just a silly, childish mentality coming from joe.
i do not use sex as a weapon, nor is my being angry at a man a condition for me not having sex if i want to (some of this depends on the length and depth of the relationship involved).
all of this speaks to extremely narrow and underdeveloped views of sex, relationship, and intimacy.
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